Sunday, May 1, 2011

So I have found myself almost addicted to tumblr.  So much thinspo.  Like there's more every second and the more people you follow the more you get.  It's like amazing.  I've eaten a little bit of puppy chow so far today.  Not good.  It's too early to be eating something so unhealthy.  I probably had like 100 calories.  My intake yesterday was probably between 1200 and 1500.  Also not good.  I think I need to go shopping so I can walk a lot.  And then maybe go to a park.  And walk more.  I would jog but I look weird jogging and I really need new shoes to jog or run in.  The shoes I have are a little bit too wide and my feet kinda slide around some.  Maybe I'll buy new shoes when I'm shopping (if I find some that are cheap and fit right).  I kinda want to message A on Facebook and ask her to like go to lunch or something but I'm not sure how to word it.  I don't want to sound like desperate or psycho or anything.  

I just checked my email.  I applied for a job Friday.  The sent me an email rejecting me.  I'm not good enough.  I'm never good enough.  I'm a failure.  I would be better off dead.  I can't get a fucking job anywhere.  No one ill ever hire me.  I'm not thin enough and pretty enough to even be a waitress and some shitty dive of a restaurant.  I'm never going to amount to anything.  I'm never going to be able to afford to go to college again.  I might as well die.  Everyone would be so much better off without me.  My mom keeps yelling at me.  Telling me how I'm such a failure.  I should have had a job by now.  I should have "tried" harder at housekeeping.  It's "not that hard" and there's no fucking reason I couldn't make time.  I just want to die.  No one cares.  Everyone abandons me.  I give up.  I'm done trying.


1 comment:

  1. I think you should definitly ask A if she wants to do something, because you sound like you really need cheering up :/ I'm sure you won't sound desperate or like a psycho or desperate :P
    There are plenty of jobs out there, don't worry, you will find one :) that wasn't very nice of your mum, but try not to listen to her. People do care, I care :)
    Stay strong, I hope things get better soon,
    Lottie x