Sunday, May 22, 2011

Another day of way too much food.  I am done eating though.  There's only a 20% chance of rain tomorrow, so I think I'll go to a lake and then go to a park and take pictures and not eat and walk around in the afternoon.  I'm hoping to get called for an interview.  I would like to have an interview tomorrow so I can go and do all of these things and avoid food and do a lot of walking and such.  I don't plan on taking the AM pill unless I weigh less than 118 tomorrow.  It's possible, but very, very unlikely.  If all goes well and I go to the park and lake and such I may post pictures granted I have time to get them on my computer.  I'm hoping my last name doesn't keep me from getting the housekeeping job I want.  I have experience housekeeping and everything.  It pays good.  $9.10/hr + tips.  It's in Iowa where minimum wage is $7.25/hr.  In IL where I live, minimum wage is $8.25/hr.  So it would probably be worth the drive.  If I can, I would like to move over there and eventually save up enough money to move far away.  I would like to be at least a 60 minute drive from my parents.  I hate my mother.  Plain and simple.  No I don't love her at all.  Don't tell me that I do love her.  But yeah, I would like to move far away.  I like Colorado.  I would like to move back there.  Or a place similar?  I don't know of anywhere similar though.  I looove Denver.  I love everything about it.  So I basically need to get a job that will allow me to save money.  The housekeeping job would definitely allow me to save up money.  Especially since I have my hospital bills paid off.  Over $10,000 in debt.  And none was covered by my out-of-state medicaid.  If you ever plan on OD'ing do so in the state you live in.  There's a better chance of your insurance covering the hospital bills.  Or at least part of it.  And ever since I have been afraid to take my anxiety meds.  I get anxiety about taking meds for anxiety so I just quit taking them.  I was too freaked out that I would accidentally (as in get too high and not recall) taking even more than I intended to.  I only planned on taking 8.  Apparently I took about 45.  Long story...  Anyway, housekeeping burns calories and is an ok workout so I would like to do it again for weightloss reasons and money reasons.  I need to get my weight on track.  I don't want to work fast-food because fast-food jobs are shitty.  Housekeeping sucks, but it pays better (sometimes).  I have this plan to get me back on track.  Tomorrow I will eat 850 calories and Tuesday 750, Wednesday 650, Thursday 550, Friday 450, and Saturday and Sunday I am allowed 1,000 calories.  Then every weekday after that I am allowed 700 calories and on weekends I am allowed 1000 calories.  Once I get a job I may change things.  But this is how I plan it for now.  I'll try to follow it anyway.  I may not be able to.  Actually I probably won't be able to.  We shall see.  I'm trying to get somewhat caught up on blogs.  I'll put more effort into that later tonight and tomorrow.  Probably start commenting again tomorrow.


To respond to Anon - It's a long story on why she doesn't live with me but the short version would be - I didn't want to have a baby to begin with (she was an accident) and I would have had an abortion, but her dad wanted to keep her.  He wanted his baby so I kept her for him.  He was always working and I couldn't handle raising a baby I wasn't ready for.  I was 18 and I was forced to grow up to fast as it was and already having depression I just became even more depressed and couldn't handle it.  I was always fighting with her dad with he was around and things were bad.  Not a good environment for a baby.  We also had dogs.  And they ended up getting fleas and I didn't want my daughter around while we tried to get rid of them.  I started to be less depressed and everything.  And she just stayed with her grandma (her dad's mom) until we (my ex and I) moved out.  I don't really miss her when she's away from me much.  I miss her once in a while.  Like when she took her first steps I kind of wished I had been there, but it didn't bother me too long.  Her dad loves her more and wanted her.  He should get to be the one to be there for things like that.  And yes I worry about my daughter picking up my eating habits.  But if you read the posts from around the times when she's over, you will probably notice that I eat more.  Or I feel like I eat more.  I want her to grow up with healthy eating habits.  I don't want her to end up with and ED.  I also don't want her to grow up with over-weight parents.  I'm not over-weight and her dad isn't either.  I want any future kids that I may have (starting to change my mind about having more kids in the future) to grow up happy and healthy and normal.  I never got to join certain sports or anything and I think it contributed to my depression (lack of friends and social interaction) and my not so healthy weight and unhealthy eating habits.  I hope that answered your questions.  If not just tell me what I didn't answer and I'll try to answer.

No comments:

Post a Comment