Made a post. Published it.  Deleted it.  Why?  Because my mother just really fucking pissed me the fuck off.  I ate like a cow yesterday (2300-ish calories) but because I am pissed, my original plan of 600 or less calories has been changed to very fucking little.  I plan on eating maybe 200 calories and drinking a lot of tea and other 0 cal drinks.  And burning a shit ton of calories.  And even though I ate like a cow yesterday, I am down a pound.  I weigh 116.5-ish.  I'm hoping to be 115 or less tomorrow.  I should be able to.  And then I can start QuickTrim tomorrow.  I want to weigh 113 or less by Friday.  Friday is competition weigh-in day and D is supposed to be coming back.  So I want to be as close to skinny as I can be.  I want D to wish he never turned into such an inconsiderate asshole.  I want him to wish that he had never gone away.  I want him to wish that I still loved him instead of hating him.  And that would put me on track to be 102-ish lbs when J comes.  I would just have to lose 2 lbs a week every week until he comes.  That's almost 100 lbs.  I could probably get down to 100 lbs by then if I can get down to 115 tomorrow and 113 by Friday.  I'm hoping to have a flat tummy around 107 lbs.  Hopefully I can have a flat tummy before that.  I've been doing a bunch of ab exercises.  I hope that helps.  I need to have something to focus on.  Something achievable.  I guess losing weight is the only thing that I have right now.  Must lose weight.  Must become skinny and beautiful and perfect.  Then everything else will come sooo much easier.  Jobs that work with the public want pretty people not ugly people.  Pretty people are more confident because they know they are pretty.  I want to be able to get a job without much trouble.  I have a lot of trouble right now.  I'm not pretty.  I just need to lose weight and I can be pretty and then I will be confident and then I can get a job.  I just have to lose 10 lbs and I'll be almost there.  Then I can get a job and lose the rest of the weight and everything will work out.  I might actually be happy for once if I can lose the weight and get a job.  I want to be happy.  Skinny is one step closer to happy.  I'll take and post picture when I am down to 115 or less.

~Kes