Sunday, May 1, 2011

I weigh 117 today.  Fuck.  I wanted to see 115.  Fuck.  I sent A a short message asking her if she wanted to go to lunch or something sometime and catch up since we haven't seen each other in a long time.  Then if she wants to go to lunch or whatever and it goes well maybe we will hang out again or something.  I've had maybe 150 cals of puppy chow and some diet pop.  I took a diet pill.  I only have like 3 left.  I took my vitamins.  I kinda want laxatives.  I wish my mom wasn't here because I could exercise then.  I'm going to try to avoid eating much today.  I need something to fix my fucking mood swings.  My mom always blames my mood swing on that time of the month.  She says I get bitch the week before.  Well it's been over a week and it's still not that time of the month.  It shouldn't be for like 3 more days if it decides to come on time.  I want on birth control to fix the irregularness of it.  But no insurance.  I've probably said that before.  I also am kinda wanting back on some sort of antidepressant but I can't afford a doctor without insurance so I'm fucked.  It would be nice if D's job gets him insurance and he can put me on it too.  Then I could go to a doctor but most companies make you work for like 90 days before you can get insurance.  It sucks.  I'm stressed as fucking hell.  And I can't focus on anything and I'm trying as hard as I can not to cry and UGH!

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