Friday, April 22, 2011


My daughter does not like to sit still.  I had about 550 calories for supper.  I'm too tired to do much of anything. I was looking for thinspo, but I quit because I'm tired.  I found like 3 pictures and gave up.  I was just kinda going through my facebook friends' pictures.  I found one of me from like 2008?  Maybe 2009... Not sure.  Either way, I'm not fat.  I could be thinner, but I don't look bad.  I managed to weigh myself earlier.  I couldn't decide if I wanted to or not.  I didn't have much time to decide, so I stepped on.  It said 118.  Hopefully I can lose another pound by the time I get to weigh myself again.  I wish I could quit obsessing over my weight and calories and how many I've burned/need to burn, ect.  I wish I was just naturally thin and happy.  I just want to be happy.  I'd settle for being on the smaller end of average if I was happy.  I don't want to be just average.  I'd rather people say she's kinda small kinda average.  Not she's just average.  She's just ok.  I don't have any true friends.  I thought I had one.  But she got a boyfriend and then could ever hang out with me.  Because I'm not one of their friends.  And apparently I can't even meet him and their friends and become one of their friends.  So I haven't talked to her in months.  Then the rest of my sort of friends are away at college or whatever.  One went to Florida to work at Disney.  I can never remember if it's World in Florida or if it's Land.  Doesn't matter too much.  Anyway, I don't have any one to hang out with ever.  Probably why I've taken to obsessing over weight and such.  And probably why I post so much.  Nothing else to do.  I've tried to get people to hang out with me, but they won't ever.  They just say things like I have to check my work schedule and I'll have to see.  And they never say anything back and such.  I want friends who are either skinny or active.  I don't want ones that sit around and watch movies while eating ice cream and stuffing chips in their mouths.  I wish I could have stayed in Colorado.  I would have been happier.  Probably would have been fatter though.  I suppose I've rambled enough.  It's almost late enough that I might be able to go to bed.  It'll take me at least 2 hours to fall asleep though.


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