Friday, April 29, 2011

I had less than 750 calories yesterday.  Probably more like 670.  I can't weigh myself yet because my dad hasn't left for work yet.  D is coming over later.  Like around 11 or 12.  So 4-5 more hours.  I wish I could have slept longer.  Yesterday was stressful.  I cried quite a bit because of the stress and me hating myself.  I managed to lock the ONLY key to the car IN the car.  Great.  Had to call a locksmith.  $50.  Great.  I didn't need that money.  Right.  I had been wanting to b&p until I found out the keys were in the car.  And all D could tell me was just forget about it.  Seriously?  Forget about it.  I can walk home right?  It's only like 25 miles.  That'll take me only about 8 hours.  As long as I don't get hit by a car walking along the highway at night in dark clothes.  I've been having mood swings for like a week.  My mom always bitches about how I get bitchy the week before my period.  Good thing it's not supposed to start for like a week.  If it is on time that is.  It likes to not be on time to stress me out/piss me off.  I wish I was on birth control to fix that.  But no insurance.  I'm rambling and kind of going off on tangents.  I'll probably post my weight later if I can.  I don't want D to sit here and read everything.  He doesn't know about this.  He still doesn't understand the ED thing.  He's going to be moving soon too.  Very soon.  Like in the next few days.  He got a job.  In Indiana.  3-4 hour drive.  Not sure exactly how long of a drive it is but it's at least 3 hours.  He will be working M-F and sometimes Saturday.  He can make a lot of money and it can help us get out of here.  He doesn't like Iowa and I don't like Illinois.  So maybe we will both like Indiana.  He is going to move there and I'm going to work somewhere in IL.  Then he is going to come see me some weekends and I might go see him depending on what my parents say.  D wants to go to college and get his Master's degree.  And he was wanting to go to college in Iowa and I didn't really want to move to Cedar Rapids.  And now D is sick of Iowa so he's now thinking about college in either Illinois or Indiana.  So this could be good for us.  Except the time apart.  But we can talk on the phone probably.  I work tomorrow at the hotel and then I'm done.  So I'm going to have a break from working.  I wanted a break in a way but I wanted to have a job lined up already though.  My dad left for work.  I'm going to go weigh myself real quick.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  I weigh 116.  I just want to lose 16-26 more pounds.  It's kind of a big range but I don't know what I will look like 16 pounds lighter.  If I knew what I would look like at different weights I would be able to say I want to weigh 100 pounds or 90 pounds or whatever.  And those websites are never accurate.  They don't ever look like me.  Like at my weight they look pretty skinny but I've got a big tummy and bigger thighs.  And then the ones that take a picture of you just stretch the picture.  And I'm pretty sure if I lost 10 pounds my sides will not become pixalated.  And with those I will still have massive thighs that touch at 90 pounds.  I'm pretty sure I will start to have a thigh gap somewhere around 100 pounds.  At least a little one.  So I just try to look up pictures of celebrities that are around 5'3-5'5 and look at their bodies and look up what the weigh and decide from there.  So far 100 looks like it might be good.  But since I had a baby I might need to lose more to look good.  Only weight loss will tell.  I should probably clean and then maybe eat a little.  Enough of my rambling and going off on tangents and such.


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