Saturday, April 30, 2011

My last day at work.  D is leaving today.  I might see him and I might not.  Depends on when he decides to leave and how late I work.  I was doing ok until supper.  I had to cook and I couldn't get to the store until about 5 so it was like 5:45 when I got back.  So supper was late.  Pasta because I thought it would be fairly quick to make.  I was going to make fried chicken (probably worse calorie-wise than pasta).  I made fried green beans to go with the pasta.  I was probably going to make fried green beans if I made fried chicken too.  But I also made some mozzarella sticks.  Also fried.  Also not very healthy and high in calories.  So supper was like 1000 calories.  I had 550-ish earlier.  I purged up some but the cheese didn't want to come up too easy and I didn't chew my food thoroughly enough and I didn't drink anything while I ate.  I kinda set myself up for disaster there but oh well.  I just weighed myself.  The line was just barely above the 115 mark so I'm like 115.5.  I have kind of been wondering what it would look like if my ribs showed.  And now I'm not sure I want them to show too much.  The left and right sides are different shapes.  It looks weird.  I don't like it.  And it's not a slight misshapen sort of thing.  It's really  obvious.  I feel like a fat freak right now.  If I lose weight and my ribs show I will feel like a deformed freak.  So I won't be able to wear anything tight that would make my ribs stand out.  No one is going to want to see my stomach ever so bikinis are already out of the question.  But I really hate it.  I'm going to look like a freak no matter what.  I gotta go to work.  Maybe post later.  Maybe not.  I have no idea what's going on.


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