D has ditched me yet again.  I'm pissed and depressed and like everything in between.  I think I need a low cal diet starting tomorrow.  Lasting Monday through Friday.  Maybe a day or two of fasting in there.  Supper will be soon.  After supper I'm cleaning and probably going to do some crunches until my abs hurt.  Then squats until my legs/knees/something hurts.  Then maybe a little break or more crunches.  Basically instead of cutting (which I really want to do) I'm going to exercise until I hurt bad enough.  Hopefully it will make me feel better.  If you know of any exercises that could cause my muscles to hurt (without any exercise equipment and no jumping/running/loud noise making) please tell me!  I'm thinking 600 cal max for my diet.  I'm going to go to Iowa tomorrow.  D owes me money and I'm making him pay me back.  He keeps saying he will and never does.  So now he's going to.  And then I'll probably not see him for a very long time.  Unfortunately I will probably have to see him at some point.  I need to be skinny when that happens.  I need to be skinny in general.  I'll probably end up consuming like 1500 calories today.  I ate a mini chocolate bunny and more candy.  I shouldn't have but I did.  I think I'll just start everything over tomorrow.  Today has been pretty much ruined.  I have a swimsuit if I didn't say that already.  My parents found the one I had wanted last night, so they bought one for me.  I have to pay them back but not too big of a deal.  The back needs a little adjusting because it's weird.  It slides up my back so it needs changed.  I need to make sure I look good in it when I wear it.  And last night when I tried it on I looked ok I guess...as in not really.  My belly is too big and my arms and thighs.  It didn't cut in or anything like that but it didn't look too good.  It was a medium.  I would like to be able to wear a small.  Maybe next year?  Maybe by the end of summer I can buy a small swimsuit.  Somehow blogging makes me feel better.  I have a plan sort of.  I will make a meal plan after supper and maybe post it on here tonight or tomorrow.  Supper's ready so I gotta go.

~Kes