Monday, April 11, 2011


So I was happy.  And now I'm really depressed.  I've been trying to do laundry.  Stupid me thought I could get 3 loads of laundry done in like 3 hours.  Nope.  Still not done.  It's been almost 4.  I was thinking about going to Iowa.  Not any more.  I'm too depressed and D just really pissed me off.  A fucking movie on TV is more important to him than me and my depression.  It's probably a Lifetime movie too.  I feel really fucking special.  I ate like 250 calories for lunch and it made my stomach hurt and made me bloated.  And that was like 2 1/2 hours ago.  My stomach still hurts. And yet I've still managed to eat more.  Already hit the 750 mark and passed it.  Not by much.  Yet.  I just want to cry.  I hate life.  I want to cut.  I want to take some pills.  I to exercise until I hurt so bad I can't anymore or until I pass out.  I want to purge even though I don't have much in me to purge.  I'm stressed.  I'm depressed.  I'm a fuck-up and a failure.  I don't see the point of living.  I don't know why any of us are here.  It's pointless.  We're all going to die at some point.  And everything will long be forgotten.  Our pasts will be changed so we are only seen as good or bad.  Not a mix of both.  And people will remember what they choose to remember about us.  Not what we want them to remember.  It's all pointless.  Life is pointless.  I just want to give up.  I've failed at suicide before.  I'm afraid to fail again.  Therefore I feel it's best not to attempt again.  And end up $10,000+ dollars in debt.  Again.  What did I do to deserve this?


No comments:

Post a Comment