Thursday, April 21, 2011

I can't weigh myself until like Tuesday.  My dad is a high school teacher and it happens to be the school's spring break.  So I can't weigh myself because he will be around.  So I don't know if I've gained any more or if I'm the same or if I lost or anything.  It sucks.  I don't want to wait 5 days before I can weigh myself.  I really need to find a way to weigh myself.  In 5 days I could end up well into the 120s.  I don't ever want to go back to the 120s.  I don't know what I'll do if I weigh myself Tuesday and the scale says like 125.  I really need the scale to say 115.  And since my dad is here, I'm going to have to have normal breakfasts and lunches.  Half a cup of dry cereal and a diet won't work.  I'm going to have to have a bowl of cereal (unmeasured) with milk (unmeasured). So I'm not going to be able to tell how many calories I'm getting.  It's really going to suck.  I really hope I can control my eating and not binge.  Speaking of binging, D really pissed me off last night.  He said he wanted to binge.  And then listed some random foods that he would "binge" on.  So I told him to just go do it.  And of course he doesn't he just keeps talking.  He never shuts up.  And then he said he would purge after.  I know he won't purge.  He doesn't know how and I just know that he wouldn't any way.  And he was really pissing me off.  I felt like he thought binging and purging and EDs are ok to like joke about.  Like they're nothing serious.  Like they can't result in death.  Well, I have to go.  Write more later, as usual.


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