PrettyThin2be - I am 19 now but in that picture I was 15.  And I try to eat 800 cal a day or less but that doesn't always work.  Sometimes if I know I'm going to be going out to eat so those days I just try to eat as healthy as I can or work out more so it will hopefully not be as bad.

I noticed yesterday morning that if I stand up straight (which I don't do) I have a very tiny thigh gap.  It's like 1/4" but it's better than nothing.  I just need to learn to sand up straighter and keep working on getting toned thighs.  Motivation.  Finally something motivating.  I must work out more and eat healthy (and fewer calories) and it will get bigger.  I don't want it to disappear.  Must work legs more.  I want/need a bigger thigh gap.  I'll have it eventually.  I'm getting there.

I ate more than I wanted yesterday.  Kind of disappointing since I have a tiny thigh gap.  I can't let eating make it disappear.  But I did work out a lot.  Lunges, squats, hip raises, leg lifts, crunches, ect., ect.  Hopefully I burned enough for it all to balance out.  I was sweating in my ice box of a room.  The a/c makes it too cold.  It's just barely on and my room is freezing.  I wear sweats.  I had shorts on but it was too cold for that.  I put on sweats.  I wear a tank top and sweats to work out in though.

I woke up early so I could write some but I wrote part of this last night so yeah...  Anyway I still gotta wait for my dad to leave so I can weigh myself.   But who the hell invented make up and why?!  It's like hell for me to put on.  Why don't guys have to spend forever trying to make sure they look good?  Why is it they can get away with just putting on pant and a shirt and going to an interview but girls are expected to do something with their hair and put on make up and nice clothes and everything?  And why can't I find 1 fucking pair of pants that fit properly for a price around $15?  Why do I have to spend hours hunting down clearance jeans just to hope that I can find a pair that fits?  I'm not made of money.  Never have been and probably never will be.  I can't afford $75 jeans.  Fuck I can't even afford $30 jeans.  Ok I think I'm done with the angry question rant...  I need to attempt to do something with make up and hair and hopefully it won't involve any make up in/on my eye...

Fuck!  My dad left but my sister is asleep on the couch.  I can't get the scale and weigh myself because I can't wake her up.  The couch is right next to the bathroom with the scale.  My parents are "redoing" that bathroom so there's no toilet, no carpet, no wallpaper or paint, there's just junk mostly.  And the scale.  I have no good excuse to use to weigh myself.  So I can't weigh myself.  Fucking shit!  I need to know how I did yesterday.  I need to know if I should work out more and eat less or what.  I need to know if I gained.  Another thing to make today worse.  I'd say there is a good chance I will have an anxiety attack.  I don't know my weight.  I got maybe 4 hours of sleep thanks to the fucking asshole known as D.  I get nervous about interviews anyway.  I hate social situations where I have to meet new people and such and where I have to be dressed nice and look ok and everything.  I'm always afraid that I look like shit.  I know I look like shit.  I'm fat and ugly and make up can't hide my ugly.  And it's going to be too hot and I'm sure I'll show up and have raccoon eyes and shit.  UGH!  I hate this!  Why can't I just be a hermit and live in a cave or something?  I don't want to have to be around people.  I don't like interviews.  The ask stupid/difficult to answer questions.  I hate when they ask if I'm related to my cousin.  I know right then and there that I won't get hired.  It's hard to even get an interview.  And in high school I was the loser loner type.  Anyone from high school would remember me as such.  All anyone would have to do is ask someone I went to school with and they would tell them that I shouldn't work there.  I shouldn't work anywhere.  I want a job where I can be completely alone but there aren't jobs like that around here.  UGH!  I need to figure out what to do about make up and my hair.  My hair is not long enough for a braid unless it's a French braid.  But guess who cannot French braid?  ME!  So I'm fucked.  Never should have gotten bangs cut.  They don't grow out fast enough and become annoying.

Need to quit rambling...  Ok I'm done.

~Kes