Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My dad didn't work today.  Great...  So I had about 60 seconds to get the scale out, weigh myself, and get it put away.  Of course, that was after I already had food in me.  115.  No idea how much was food.  I'm guessing he won't work at all this week.  I want to know what I weigh.  Without food.  My sister is here.  So the little Chunky dog keeps whining and such because of her.  My sister doesn't like him and therefore doesn't pay any attention to him and she smells like dog or something and it makes Chunky go crazy.  Very annoying.  I've read some blogs and commented some.  I was going to earlier but I couldn't concentrate at all.  I feel hugely fat.  I feel like I'm just as big as I have ever been.  Well I don't feel as big as I was when I was pregnant (I felt almost skinny when I was pregnant because all of my weight was in my stomach - including over 10 lbs of baby), but I feel like I did at 155.  I feel 40+ lbs heavier than I actually am.  My sister is getting fat though.  She keeps gaining back weight.  She's like 5'2-5'3 and I would guess she weighs 130-135?  Maybe more.  I would guess more but I don't want to be that mean.  She is my sister...  Anyway, my mom said once that at her high weight she was 175.  But I'm not sure if I believe that.  Although she used to be quite strong.  Like she would lift weights regularly and run and play sports so I'm guessing a lot was muscle.  But now she is gaining weight.  That would be what happens when you can't cook for yourself and all there is for you to eat is the food your boyfriend fries. I've consumed about 400 calories so far today.  Supper will probably be some mashed potatoes for another 200 and that'll probably be it.

So I just got on Facebook so I have something to switch pages to in case my mother comes upstairs and feels the need to come into my room.  And some people I went to school with (kindergarten through 2nd grade and I knew them before that) were tagged in some pictures so I looked at a couple.  They have gotten fat.  They used to be thin/skinny like not that long ago.  Like a year ago?  Maybe 2 years?  Well, the guy used to be like not skinny but muscular?  Not fat but not skinny - guy like.  He wasn't like super strong or anything.  Just average guy.  And now I guess the Freshman 15 got them all.   And this other girl I went to school with (again k-2nd) had a baby just barely over a year ago.  Like her son was born this month.  And she's pregnant again.  She's my age (19).  Why are there so many damn pregnancies around here?  When I graduated (there were about 350 kinds in the whole school district) there were 5 girls pregnant.  And then a short time later more get pregnant.  And then more and it keeps going.  And they're all like 18 and under.  Why is that?  Oh yeah, because they (the government who tells the school districts what to teach) seem to think that we whould be taught that if we have sex, we will die.  Like they just try to scare us into not having sex and it doesn't work.  We live in the middle of fucking nowhere.  You might want to teach people how to use a condom.  Or that there is a thing called birth control and tell us how we can get it or something.  We have to learn it the hard way.  AFTER we end up pregnant.  Or if we happen to have a person who is willing to give "the talk".  But for me that was my drunk cousin.  A drunk person telling you that if your going to have sex to use a condom is not effective and just kind of creepy.  Ok I think my rant is over...

Camille - That thing took forever too.  It still said "% of 0 kbytes" after 10 minutes.  It didn't even say how many kb the file was.  So I think that is best for small files.  Or people with a lot of time on their hands.

I think that is all I have to say.



  1. thank you!
    i am going to go workout and then come back and read your entire blog :)

  2. i can totally relate. i always feel fat, too. no matter how low or high my weight might be. bmi 31? fat. bmi 24? fat. bmi 18? fat. bmi 13? fat. so you're not alone. it sucks. why can't we see what others see?
    hope you're ok. try not to be too hard on yourself! :)
    (love the 8th picture btw)

  3. Boo for your dad not working so you cannot weigh yourself. :(
    Hahaha, I notice a lot of people around me are getting fat, too.
    I feel mean for feeling kind of superior because I am getting skinnier instead of fatter like them.
    Things are the same way where I am, to relate to the pregnancy bit.
    It seems like every time I hear any bit of news, it is about another young girl getting pregnant in my town.
    What is this world coming to? :\
    Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful day today; you deserve it!
    Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

  4. I hate it when no matter what you weight you feel fat. I hate looking back at old photos too and thinking wow i was kinda thin and then realizing at the time i still felt fat.
    You just have to trust in knowing that you are losing weight and getting thinner =).
    Hope you get a chance to weight in properly soon! x

  5. ahhh, it's so annoying when you think you're going to be home alone, and then you're not! :/
    loving the pictures :)

  6. It kills not seeing what other people see. I still feel the same I did 70 pounds ago. It's annoying. Congrats on your intake! You're doing superb, love! <3 Here the youngest pregnancy I've ever known was a 21-year-old married woman. I think that's the lowest.
    Photos are fun to looks at! Mehhh!