I feel fat.  Like really fat.  I'm back to 116.  I'm, uh, blocked up too.  I think I'm going to exercise like I normally would today and I'll stop if the spot where the tooth was starts bleeding or hurting or whatever.  I have 23.02% body fat.  I need to get that down.  Almost 1/4 of me is fat.   I have over 26 lbs of fat on me.  J and D said that I shouldn't lose but like 15 more lbs.  That still leaves me with over 10 lbs of fat.  I have so much more weight to lose than I realized.  I feel so fat.  I'm going to go as long as I can without eating today and I'm going to eat as little as possible and I will make sure that I lose that fat.  I will exercise until I feel like I'm going to die.  I need to be skinny.  Tiny.  Thin.  Perfect.  I will take my diet pills 2x a day and I will workout as much as possible.  I will get this fat off of me.

I need a job.  It would make things so much easier.  I'm running out of places to apply at.  I apply at places and then I hear nothing or I get the "you are not right for this job" shit after I failed the assessment.  I don't know where else to try.  I don't know what else to do.  I need someone to help me with the assessments but my mother is a bitch and won't quit breathing down my neck if I ask her to help.  And she assumes I'm asking her if I ask my father.  Yeah... It's shit.  D was supposed to help me like a million times but he always ditched me.  And yeah...

D is coming back today.  It's just this giant mess.  I really don't want to talk about it too much.  It's complicated and stressful and I swear he's somehow fucked up in the head just as bad as me.

I texted J a little but I mean it really didn't amount to anything.  Stupid conversation.

I don't feel like talking anymore.  Fucking D.  I need to exercise.  Then I'll feel better.

I like how the pictures decide to go there vvv on their own.  It makes me happy because I don't have to move them.

~Kes