I feel fat. Like really fat. I'm back to 116. I'm, uh, blocked up too. I think I'm going to exercise like I normally would today and I'll stop if the spot where the tooth was starts bleeding or hurting or whatever. I have 23.02% body fat. I need to get that down. Almost 1/4 of me is fat. I have over 26 lbs of fat on me. J and D said that I shouldn't lose but like 15 more lbs. That still leaves me with over 10 lbs of fat. I have so much more weight to lose than I realized. I feel so fat. I'm going to go as long as I can without eating today and I'm going to eat as little as possible and I will make sure that I lose that fat. I will exercise until I feel like I'm going to die. I need to be skinny. Tiny. Thin. Perfect. I will take my diet pills 2x a day and I will workout as much as possible. I will get this fat off of me.
I need a job. It would make things so much easier. I'm running out of places to apply at. I apply at places and then I hear nothing or I get the "you are not right for this job" shit after I failed the assessment. I don't know where else to try. I don't know what else to do. I need someone to help me with the assessments but my mother is a bitch and won't quit breathing down my neck if I ask her to help. And she assumes I'm asking her if I ask my father. Yeah... It's shit. D was supposed to help me like a million times but he always ditched me. And yeah...
D is coming back today. It's just this giant mess. I really don't want to talk about it too much. It's complicated and stressful and I swear he's somehow fucked up in the head just as bad as me.
I texted J a little but I mean it really didn't amount to anything. Stupid conversation.
I don't feel like talking anymore. Fucking D. I need to exercise. Then I'll feel better.
I like how the pictures decide to go there vvv on their own. It makes me happy because I don't have to move them.