Monday, June 6, 2011

My mom bought low-fat yogurt.  I haven' eaten any and I won't eat any.  I was expecting maybe 170 calories for th container.  They are 8 oz containers but they had 250 calories.  Like WTF?!  How can you put that many calories in 8 oz of yogurt?!  What worse is I looked at 3 different flavors and one was 260 calories.  I won't eat any.  And my mom bought Jell-o.  But of course it has to be the kind with sugar in it.  Not gonna make it and not gonna eat it.  I don't know why she can't buy sugar-free anything or non-fat.  If she would just learn to read a damn label she wouldn't have to be so fat.  She is overweight.  She will be obese if she gains more than 10 lbs.  All she does is bitch about how her pants are getting too small or how her shirts are too small.  She bitches because she gains weight.  She won't read a damn label or do any sort of exercise at all.  She seems to think that bitching about things will get her somewhere.  She had bought a stationary bike at one point but she never got on it.  Ever.  Then she sold it because no one used it.  I was only like 10 so I wasn't really into that sort of thing.  I had a real bike.  And it was just too easy for me to sit on it and watch tv and not use it.  If we had it now I might use it.  Now I'm old enough to want to use exercise equipment and workout and things like that.  Enough rambling about that.

I consumed about 1300 calories yesterday without subtracting anything for purging.  Not going to get into the guessing of how many calories I purged.  I'm not the type to subtract all of the calories because I know I didn't get it all up.  I'm afraid to get everything up actually.  I'm afraid to see blood.  If I ever purge up blood I know I will freak out.  It would probably keep me from purging for at least a few months but I know it would freak me out.  I don't purge nearly as much as I used to.  I know it's bad for my throat.  And my teeth.  And pretty much everything.

I managed to exercise some last night like I said I wanted to.  No idea how long I exercised for though.  Hopefully long enough.  A lot of leg exercises.  I want a thigh gap.  My abs could use a rest.  I should work on my legs more.  More lunges and squats.

Has my dad left yet?  No.  Am I going to keep rambling?  Most likely.  He needs to leave so I can weigh myself.  I need to put on some sunscreen and take the dog for a walk before it gets too hot.  My dad should be leaving like right now.  Hurry up!  I'm impatient.  I'm hungry too.  What I eat (or don't eat) will all depend on what I weigh.  I need to see 115.  I shoulda weighed 115 already.  Gonna take the dog for a walk and then I'm going to do squats and lunges and leg exercises and then I'll do ab exercises.  Maybe do some arm exercises.  Maybe...  I'm soooo getting annoyed.  My dad needs to just leave already.  He shoulda left like 5 minutes ago.  UGH!  My sister's cat is really getting on my nerves too.  It won't leave me alone.  I just want to type.  I don't need a cat sniffing the keyboard or licking my hand or playing with things.  Soooo annoying.  My dad finally left.  Now to weigh myself.

I weigh 115.5-ish.  Why can't I ever get to 115 again?  Why does it always have to be a little bit over?  I guess I can't eat anything until I've done at least 90 minutes of some sort of exercising.  I need to get under 115.  I have about 9 days to lose 5.5-ish lbs.  That's like .61111 lbs a day.  I really don't think I'll be able to do it.  I don't know if I've ever made a weight goal on time.  I'm never going to lose this fat that hangs on me.  I'll always have the disgusting flabby saggy stomach and the huge thunder thighs.  I'll always have the gross stretch marks on my stomach and hips and thighs.  The gross disgustingness won't ever go away.  I'll never be skinny.  I'll never be pretty or beautiful or anything.  I'll just always be the fat, disgusting, stupid, worthless girl who has no friends and I might as well either become a complete hermit or die.  I don't know of any way to successfully die though.  So I guess I will have to be a hermit.  I just gotta find a place to go to be a hermit...


1 comment:

  1. Hate it when my mum doesn't buy sugar or fat free stuff :/
    Any progress is better than none, so don't worry :) even if you don't moe the goal, you will be closer than you were before :) you will be skinny, you just have to stick at it :)
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x