You keep wanting to go lower, you're addicted to dieting, stop now, cold turkey or you'll always be unhealthy.

~J

Yes it is bad it could kill you.
~AA

Why do they think that I have a problem?  Maybe it's because I do have a problem, but it's not that bad... Yet.  J said that in response to me rambling about my weight.  However, when 90 lbs was my goal he said nothing but I weighed like 115-117 then.  That was in response to me wanting to weigh 103.  Although I wasn't sure.  I wasn't sure if I wanted my BMI to be below 18 or 17.5 or what.  It was basically typed word vomit ramblings and I sent it to him and I shouldn't have.  So now he thinks I need to stop.  I don't want to.  I can't.  It's not worth trying.  I can't stop until I'm ready to because I won't put in the effort.  I'm stubborn like that.  AA's was in response to me asking if it was really that bad if I ended up underweight.  It won't necessarily kill you to be underweight though.  It depends on how much underweight you are.  And I don't know that I would end up that much underweight.  Whatever.  I told AA to call me last night when he got the chance and either he's ignoring me or hasn't had the chance.  He hasn't texted me or anything.  And now I've had time to think and my stubborn bitch side has come out and I refuse to "recover".  Recover is in quotation marks (I had to look up what they were called... Pathetic... I seriously couldn't think of the words quotation marks) because I would have to pretend and definitely wouldn't put in the full effort needed and would "relapse".  You can't relapse if you don't recover so again quotation marks.  I have QuickTrim diet pills yet that I need to finish.  And Xenadrine to take when the QuickTrim is gone.  So why recover when I have diet pills sitting around?  I refuse to throw them away because I paid money for them.  If someone else paid for them, then I would consider throwing them away, but still probably wouldn't.  Speaking of the QuickTrim, I took them this morning.  Finally.  I'm going to take them again now.  I was supposed to start taking them like what? Two weeks ago?  Anyway, I'm going to take them every day.  Until I'm out of diet pills.  Hopefully by then I will be thin enough and have enough willpower that I don't need any more.  I also haven't come up with an exercise plan yet, but that will happen today.  And I will make a page that lists my exercise routine things.  And I will read and comment on blogs later today.  Workout plan must be made and today's exercises must be done and then I will.  I have to go to the dentist at 3.  I need to go to town to see about a job app at a pharmacy.  I need to fill out some online too but they can wait... So much to do today.  It'll keep me busy at least.  I want to see 110 by Friday.  Not sure if that will happen though.  It's still that time of the month and it's worse than usual.  Not sure why...  My body just hates me...  I mean, my period did start like a week early...  Actually, it's closer to two weeks I think...  Anyway, I'm still bloated and such.  I don't want to put my weight.  Maybe tomorrow or something...


My sister sold her car to her bf's dad and is driving her bf's car now.  She just bought that car and sold her old one like 2 or 3 months ago.  But she seems to think that she is making enough money that she can buy a fancier car now or whatever.  She's quite high maintenance but at least she will work and buy shit herself.  Last time I saw her it looked like she was about the same weight as the time before.  She's not skinny anymore.  She used to have a BMI that would put her as obese class 1 but she didn't look obese.  She had too much muscle.  That was when she played volleyball, basketball, and softball and would lift weights and shit.  I don't want to end up looking too muscular because there is a pretty good chance that it is in my genetics to end up putting on quite a bit of muscle.  I want to look tiny and delicate not big and strong.  Well, I'm out of things to say...  My life is uneventful.  But I was thinking about piercing my lower lip on the right side like right below my monroe.  Anyone have any opinions on that?  Or anything?  I want my lower lip pierced I think.  And some on my ears but I have to figure out which earrings I have that I could use sinceI have sensitive ears.  But if I do my lower lip below my monroe, should the two piercings match or would a white jeweled thing and a pink jeweled thing look ok?  I don't have two that are the same so if you all say to make them match, I would wait until I can afford two that are the same.  Although I could wait until I'm 109 and make it a reward...  But I still want to know if it would look ok below my monroe and if the two lip ring things should match.  So tell me!  As for my ears, I've gotta see what I have for earrings.  And I will probably post pictures with little dots drawn on and ask which spots to pierce.  Maybe tomorrow or Wednesday...  So yeah...  Rambling over.  Thinspo.

~Kes