Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I'll tell you about QuickTrim again when I finish the bottle.  I only had half the bottle left.  If I remember right though it was about $25 for the two bottles and it's supposed to be 14 days worth but I've never taken them as directed and I wouldn't suggest taking them as directed anyway.
Is it odd that I am cold when the house is almost 80 degrees?  Like I want to curl up under a blanket downstairs out of the air conditioning.  Either I am getting sick or I am going to pretend to.  I'm not sure why I am cold but I am going to at least pretend to feel worse than I do.  I want to go devour a bag of fries and pasta and a bunch of other foods but I am resisting.  Mainly I don't feel like making anything because I am lazy.  I need to get a load of laundry in the washer but, again, I'm lazy.  I need to exercise yet.  I didn't exercise as much as I should have yesterday because I was pissed and stuff.  I don't really want to talk about it.  The good thing is I am down to 112 and I was 115 yesterday.  How did I end up weighing that much again?  I think I was mainly bloated and stuff.  I have slight anxiety for pretty much no reason but that's not unusual for me.  
AA was supposed to text me but he hasn't yet but I'm kinda guessing he will when he gets off work.  I sent J a message on Facebook (which is pretty much the main way I talk to him) and I'm hoping he responds the way I want him to.  I think he will but I'm kind of not sure.  I'm pretty sure it will at least be along the lines of him telling me to call him if I ever need anything or I'm ready to recover or whatever.  Something along those lines.
It's cold... I couldn't sleep worth a fuck last night.  I couldn't get comfortable.  I would lay on my side and I would start hurting.  My back, my knees, my hips, ect.  I would lay on my back and my back would hurt.  Stomach would make my neck hurt.  I'm sore as fuck today too.  I'm thinking I should have a big cup of hot tea. Maybe throw in some SlimFast...  I think I will when I'm done typing this.  It's more calories than I need but it could be worse.  I've had a brownie (~175) and 1/2 cup of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (~88).  ~263 calories so far.  I think I'll skip the SlimFast?  Just drink tea?  Probably better.  
I have nothing else that I want to talk about. Well, I would talk about it but I'll end up pissed and I'd rather be depressed than pissed because pissed makes me want to cut.  Depressed just means I'm depressed.  And yes I'm depressed.  Lack of sleep and things will do that to ya.  But I'm fine this way.  I'm used to it.  I'm not like super depressed.  Just depressed.  It's a lot better than being pissed off.



  1. I hope you feel better, maybe you can take a little nap or something? I feel like crap too when I dont get enough sleep x.x

  2. Yes I hope so.. Hate myself for gaining, even though I know I will lose it quite fast. I just hope that my depression is gone sooner than later..

    I know the I'm-used-to-it-feeling.. I always kept makeing myself miserable for years only because I was too afraid to be happy. If I was happyu I could get sad, but if I already was sad things could only get better.. But I dont want to go there again, I want to be happy. And depressed makes me cut.. :/

  3. I struggle with depression regularly. I have for years, but I refuse to go on meds again. I quit them when I was 16 and I really don't want to live out of a pill bottle. I hope whatever is/was pissing you off gets resolved so you can be happier. Definitely try and get some sleep, though, because that will help in a huge way. I get disgustingly moody when I don't get enough sleep.

  4. i am always cold :/ i think its because of the weight loss