Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I exercise and I don't think I ate that much but I gained.  I was already half brokedown and the scale just caused a complete breakdown. I'm sick of working my ass off and getting nowhere.  I think I'll complain that my stomach hurts and use that as an excuse to eat very little.  I can't take this shit anymore.  I don't know what to do.  I shouldn't have gained.  I really shouldn't have.  I feel like a fucking failure.  It could be water-weight but it doesn't matter.  If the weight is on me it is on me.  I now have 5 days to lose 7-8 lbs.  I don't care if it's water-weight, fat, muscle, bone, food, whatever weight.  If it has weight and it is on me, I want it gone.  I can't be a fat gross pig anymore.  I need to get back to 113.  And then I need to keep going lower.  I absolutely have to be 110 or less by the 16th.  I'm planning on going to a rave and I don't want to be a fat-ass.  I may not be able to go to the rave, but I still have to be 110 by then.  I should have been 110 already.  I should have been 100 lbs by now.  How am I going to manage to lose this weight in time?  I really don't think it's possible.  Eat less and exercise more and see what happens.  D said he was coming over so I guess I'll feed him food and say I ate it and not eat anything and then I'll claim stomach ache later (only if I have to) or it'll hopefully be too hot and no one will want to cook anything and I can just eat some watermelon.  I better see a loss tomorrow.


1 comment:

  1. :( That's so frustrating! sometimes it seems like what the scale says is unrelated to what you are actually doing.
    I hope that tomorrow is better for you.