Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Interview tomorrow at 10 am.
Interview Friday at 10:30 am.
My stomach has decided to not agree with food.  Fine by me.  If it keeps me from eating, it is perfectly fine by me.
I discovered that eyeliner pen works well on eye lashes.
Got along with D today after he completely and totally disappointed me and pissed me off like at the same time last night.  Then got completely and totally pissed off at him again.  He decides last minute that we were going to open a joint bank account today.  His bank is shitty.  I hate it.  It costs like $6.50/month to have an account.  WTF?!  My bank isn't the best but it is sooo much better.  Pissed me off.  And I had to be going home and I'm stuck waiting for like 10 minutes before we can even get started and D keeps telling me that it'll only take like 5 minutes.  And it takes 30 fucking minutes.  And then after I told D we needed to be going he decides that he wants to check the status of his other account and order checks and bullshit upon bullshit.  I made him walk.  I went and got gas.  Nearly had a breakdown.  Found him walking (quite easily).  Took him to his house.  Told him I want a divorce.  And I left.
J leaves to come back here Sunday and should be back on Monday.  I don't think I really want to see him.  Like I do but I don't.  I don't want to like him and have him leave and me miss him.  That's what makes me not want to see him.  I want to see him because he's my friend and I like hanging out with him.  But I feel like I annoy the shit out of him.  I deleted his phone number because he quit texting me back most of the time and it just felt awkward.  I called him a couple times when I was super depressed and like suicidal and he didn't even respond the last time or answer his phone or call me back or anything.  And I've been thinking about deleting him of Facebook.  Or just deleting my Facebook, which is probably what I'll do.  Although I would have to either get this guy's number or reactivate my Facebook to let him know whether or not I'm going raving and when.  I think I'll deactivate it and then reactivate it to let the guy know and then deactivate it again depending on whether or not I'm going and when.  And yes, I do use this blog to think things out in my head.  I wouldn't have to type it but I just type the words as I think them.  Random.  Word.  Vomit.  Lovely sounding, isn't it?  I'm kind of waiting for my mother to get done showering so that I can shower tonight so I can go to the interview with straight dry hair.  If I shower in the morning, I would have to blow dry it or go with my hair partially wet.  I could do more wavy/curly but I don't really feel like it.  It doesn't ever look that good with my hair cut the way it is and the length it is.  Why can't my hair grow like 5 more inches overnight?  And why can't I lose like 5 lbs overnight?  Like how I went from every different thing having a new paragraph to everything morphing into one?  At least my subject changes were kinda flow-y.  I was thinking about wearing a dress to my interview tomorrow, but I just looked at my legs and saw the bruises.  I could maybe sort of hide them with make-up though...  I just don't want to go and wear something that'll show off my lovely green-blue-yellow bruises.  No idea what they are from, but it's always happened as long as I've lived in this house.  I had 5 bruises on my arm one time.  I woke up with them one day and it looked like someone had grabbed me.  Someone said that I probably did it to myself while I was sleeping.  I couldn't manage to get my fingers on the bruises in a way that I would be able to put enough force into it to bruise myself like that.  Oh well.  I think I should shower after a few more pictures.

I'm still questioning whether I should change my name from Kes or not.  My initials are KES.  I don't like my first name and I don't really like my middle name either.  Oddly enough, my daughter's initials are EKC.  If only her last name started with S... Then she would have my initials in a different order.

I probably won't post tomorrow.  Friday is questionable.  And I'll wait until Saturday to let you know how the interviews went.  I feel like if I say I think it went well and that I think I'll get hired, I won't because it will jinx it and I feel like if I say I bombed and that I doubt they hire me, I'll actually be right.  So I won't say anything about them to anyone until I either get hired, get told no, or it's Saturday (because I will probably know by then).


  1. I hope you don't take this as a jinx. Just wanted to wish you good luck.

  2. You're going to do AMAZING on the interviews! Just be yourself. And straight or curly, your hair will look beautiful - just like you!