Sunday, July 3, 2011

Day 1 of Surge Diet
Calorie limit: 800
Calories consumed: No idea.  More than 800 though (mozzarella sticks = ~800 calories, ~250 cal of cereal and the rest was fruit which I did not keep track of calorie wise)
Exercise done: 30+ minutes of various calisthenic and aerobic exercises (Do you count picking raspberries in 93 degree weather exercise? If so, I did that for like an hour... If not I did 30 min of actual exercise)

Day 1 = FAIL

Day 2 of Surge Diet
Calorie limit: 500
Calories consumed: NO CLUE
Exercise done: 60 min walking (doesn't really count on Surge Diet but it was 90 degrees outside (and my shirt got really nasty from me sweating and I had to change and I didn't want to have to go through too many shirts) and my parents were home and so many people out and about that exercising was difficult to accomplish - shitty excuses, I know) and 2 games of washers (no like that is even close to exercise so it really doesn't count as anything)

Day 2 = FAIL

Day 3 of Surge Diet
Calorie limit: 750
Calories consumed:  NO CLUE
Exercise done: None to really speak of...

Day 3 = FAIL

My weight is unknown, which only makes things worse.  I might get to weigh myself Tuesday.  But I may not want to...  I know I won't tomorrow because my dad will be home like all day.  I feel fat and worthless.  I thought I had a chance yesterday, but my aunt and uncle brought cookies and chips and things so I kind of had to eat some otherwise my family would have bitched and could figure out something was up.  And my aunt left the cookies so now they are sitting around the house tempting me.  And it's just bad.  I want to give up but I want to be skinny.  If I give up I won't ever be skinny and I'll end up overweight again.  I don't want to have to go buy more fat clothes.  I want to have to buy new skinny clothes.  My sister is getting fat though. And my mother has noticed.  My sister is sensitive about her weight too and my mother knows it.  My mother said something once about my sister gaining weight and she almost cried and my mother has decided that giving dirty looks (like "why are you wearing that?  It's too tight.") sort of looks.  My mother is a cruel bitch.

I'm sort of jumping the gun here, but I'm trying to decide where to move to when I save up the money.  I've got 3 places picked out.  Seattle, Washington, or Denver, Colorado, or California.  Like southern California? Maybe.  I haven't looked into California too much.  I didn't think I would be able to afford shit there but I guess there would be a chance.  Apartments weren't as expensive as I thought they would be.  I was thinking Fort Collins, Colorado or Colorado Springs, Colorado but the rent estimates I found were more expensive.  I'm ok with living in a dive.  I can always find something better later.  I need a job and to start saving before I even think about moving though.  I looked up minimum wages of the 3 states and that makes Seattle look the best but J is in California and I know some people in Colorado.  I need a job and to get to the point where I can save money and then decide.  I'm going to have to save like $5000+ anyway.  I need to quit jumping the gun, but if I don't find something to work towards I will have nothing and then that causes a mess with my depression and everything.  I have to look forward to something.  Find a reason to live.  If I'm dead, I won't ever get out of this place.  But I need to look forward to finding a job, but the rejection is too depressing.  I did manage to fill out a job app and answer the questionnaire right, but I don't know if I'll get an interview and if I do, if I'll get hired.  It's hard to look forward to a job when you have no idea what kind of job you'll even get, if you can manage to find one.

I have to go to town.  Yet again.  I had to go to town twice yesterday.  Sooo annoying.



  1. Don't give up. I know that hopelessness is all too easy to give in to, it's a royal bitch, but you can't. You can finish this. I want to give up so much it gives me a headache. But if I gave in that single moment of gratification wouldn't even amount to the gratification I would get from being thin and beautiful. I'm here for you. And as far as Seattle is concerned it is an amazing city with a huge musically inclined culture (I'm from Spokane, WA). My family is from California too and I love San Francisco, it's my home away from home. Just something to consider.

    Stay Beautiful <3

  2. hiya luv, i heard you were using quicktrim?? or have used it???

  3. The first three days of the diet may not have gone like you planned, but you can always start fresh the next day and make it great. You're NOT going to have to buy fat clothes, pretty soon, you're going to be buying an whole new wardrobe of gorgeous skinny clothes! As for the moving option- I think that's great you're planning ahead. Saving is hard to do sometimes but it can definitely be done. I wish all the best in finding a place to call your own some day!

  4. Don't give up! Sometimes it seems like nothings works but you can change it. Just believe in yourself and stay strong!
    Planning ahead is a good thing. You have time to think everything over thoroughly. Saving money can be hard sometimes but it's not an impossible thing to do.
    Good luck!