Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Yesterday I ended up working late.  The cashier who was supposed to come in, didn't.  So they needed a cashier from 2-4 so I said I would do it.  They probably could have found someone else to do it, but it probably would have been more trouble than it would have been worth.  It was slow and boring yesterday.  But my bc pills made me feel nauseous and I had a bad backache and headache.  Not sure if those were caused by the bc or not.  So I took a lunch break at 2:15-ish and bought Dramamine and took 1 of those and 2 Aleve.  It made me feel a lot better.  I'm hoping I don't feel as bad today.  The nausea made me eat more than I should have because at first I thought I was just so hungry that I was feeling sick.  Obviously not.  I know better today though.  So I will do better today.  I read blogs yesterday after work but I didn't comment because I was really tired and felt bad for eating as much as I did.  I'm not going to guess how many calories I had because I'll probably be way off.  But today, I will do a lot better.  And I will take Dramamine once I start feeling sick.  And I'll take Aleve once I start feeling sore.
I'll try to read and comment on blogs but I have to be at work at 10 and I need to shower this morning.  After work though, I should have time.  As long as I feel decent.
Tomorrow I was thinking about trying to fix my pill/drug habits.  I wouldn't say it's an addiction.  More of a compulsive sort of thing to deal with moods/issues.  I don't have any pills/drugs currently, so the main points are to not acquire/try to acquire any and to learn to deal with the moods/issues that cause me to want pills/drugs in a safer way.  I was going to try to fix the cutting issues (like the pills/drugs, it's not something I do all that often, but I get urges to a lot and I need to learn to deal with the urges better) at the same time but it seems like a lot to have to deal with while the bc is causing me problems.  So once I get to the point where I think I can handle fixing the cutting, I will try to work on that.  But that might be one month from now or even 6 months from now.  It all depends on how things go with the pills/drugs and the bc and work and everything.  I need to work on not binging and not purging too.  I'll do those when I feel like I am ready.  I don't purge often at all.  But I get the urge to and I don't know how to deal with it.  So I need to figure out what to do when I get the urge.  It causes like bad anxiety and usually makes me want to cut or take pills/drugs.  And binging usually makes me want to purge.  I want to be able to do an average intake of like 750/day.  And I can't do that if I have these urges to binge or purge.  So I have a lot to work on.  But I'm going to take it slowly.  So that I have a better chance to succeed in this.  I think J wants me to quit my disordered eating habits.  Like all of them.  But I told him that I was just going to work on the pills/drugs because the nausea would make it hard to work on food issues.  He sounded like he was ok with it.
I weighed 115 again this morning.  I ate too much yesterday.  Like I said.  And working longer meant I got a lunch along with my break so I bought a Lunchable to eat so the Dramamine and Aleve wouldn't make me feel worse.  Aleve on an empty stomach can make you feel nauseous.
I need to finish my tea and shower.  And depending on what time it is, I'll maybe try to read and comment some.  I usually try to start from the oldest posts and work towards the newest because its easier to keep track of what I've read and what I haven't that way.



  1. I love the last pic!

    When I get the urge to do something stupid or bad I try to get busy with something else. Like doing a workout and it works. sometimes..

  2. I'd reccomend you just finding a good distraction that is really time consuming and will be for a long time. Don't spiral down into worse :[