Fuck it all.  I'm sick of getting the short end of the stick all the time.  I'm done.  None of this is worth it.

I added E and K over to the people section.
K is the one who was supposed to have the party on my birthday but because of a situation, that may change.  I'm not going to say much about it right now because this is just a quick post and I don't want to go into detail right now because of the type of situation it is.
My dress came in so I'm planning on going and getting it tonight.  So tonight or tomorrow there will be pictures.  But I think there are a lot so I may divide it up.  Not sure yet.  I went for a walk for about 20 minutes earlier.  I've been doing some cleaning and laundry and I have to wash dishes which I'm going to go do once I get done typing this.  AA is moving back tomorrow so hopefully I'll get to see him Sunday.  I set up my job interview for Monday afternoon.  So yeah.  Dishes need washed.

~Kes

I'm happy so another post for today.  Or maybe tomorrow (depending on where you are in the world and how long it takes to finish this... It might cross over into tomorrow for me...)

I have an interview Monday.  Kind of excited because I turned in the application on Tuesday and they called me today.

AA is coming back on Saturday.  Also exciting.

Work wasn't 100% shitty either.  It really depends on who's working.  Some people are worse to work with than others.

My birthday partying plans are still on.  Just no guys.  Fine with me.  I usually end up drunk and hitting on whatever guy anyway.  That ugly 45-ish year old dude, I will hit on him if there's no other option.  It's happened before...  And there will be more parties after my birthday because I will be able to go to the bars and everything.  And there will be an ugly sweater party at some point.  The date is undecided and I still have to get my ugly sweater but I'm excited.

I exercised today.  Not much, but some.  I'll do more tomorrow.  Along with cleaning and picture taking.

I bought another pair of lounge pants/sweat pants.  They're made out of sweatpants material but they don't really feel like sweat pants when you're wearing them.  I'll probably post a picture of them.  And I'm going to take a picture of my hair when I get done typing this because my hair looked good today.  I'll post the tomorrow probably.

I bought some groceries.  Nothing like shopping at Hy-Vee at 10 pm.  At least it isn't so crowded and they're stocking the shelves.  I bought 2 boxed of Special K cereal for $2.09 each and some strawberry applesauce and mixed berry applesauce.  Both are light with no sugar added so they're 60 calories a cup instead of the usual 100+ calories.  And I bought chocolate grahm crackers.  130 calories in 2 whole sheets.  Perfect for a chocolate fix.  And 100% whole wheat pasta.  And Special K snack bar/cereal bar things.  And soynuts (thought I would try them.  130 calories in 1/4 cup but they have 10 g protein and 5 g fiber) and sugar free jello and some muffins.  The muffins were buy one get one free 4 packs.  And I bought peanut butter.  So I have stuff that's healthy or can satisfy my cravings in fewer calories.  As in I want chocolate, I eat a grahm cracker for 65 calories instead of the 120 calorie pudding or whatever I find.  I want salty/savory, I eat some soynuts.  So yeah...  Hopefully that will help me get back on track and stay there.  

Ok I'm going to shut up now because I have managed to ramble into tomorrow for me.  It is 12:04 am.

Ok, now it's 12:08...

~Kes

Weigh: 118
Gained like 1/2 lb or so
Drank too much juice yesterday.  Or at least I'm blaming the 6+ cups of juice for the slight gain.  120 calories a cup means over 700 calories right there.  Did a little exercise.  Like 7 minutes worth.  Did some crunches and squats and jumping jacks and things.  I'm still feeling a little sick so I'm not going to push myself too much.  But I need to start exercising and I feel well enough to attempt little bits here and there.  I stop when I start to feel a little tired.  If I wasn't a little sick yet, I would push myself to do a little more.  Maybe tomorrow I'll feel good enough to push myself more.  I'm going to rest a bit and see if I can get in about 8 more minutes so that way I'll have done 15 minutes worth of exercise.  I'll aim for 20-30 minutes tomorrow and to finish cleaning my room.  I'm not taking Dexatrim today either.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel good enough to take some.  I was hoping to be down to 115 or less by the 1st (when AA is supposed to be moving back) but I doubt I will make it.  I probably won't get a chance to weigh in on the 1st either.  But I work from 12:30 til 9 on the 1st so I doubt I would see AA anyway.  Hopefully I can be 115 by Monday and I would like to be 111 at most on the 19th.  I still would like to be 109 by the 19th but 111 would be acceptable since it's my low weight.  Saturday will be easy to restrict because I work such a long shift.  I won't really be able to exercise though.  I really don't know of anything else that I want to talk about.

~Kes

Weight: 117-118-ish
Gain of 1-2 lbs
Not as bad as I thought it might be.  I ate ice cream and pasta and a jelly donut and other junk food yesterday because my throat has been getting worse.  I thought the ice cream would make it feel better and there isn't much that's healthy and soft/mushy around the house unless I was too make something and after Lion King last night, I didn't feel that ambitious.  But today I'll probably make a soup and eat that all day.  I'm not taking Dexatrim today because those pills are kinda on the bigger side and with my throat hurting as bad as it is, I don't know that I could swallow them.  I just took some cold medicine and those pills are smaller than the Dexatrim and those pills were hard to get down.  Speaking of Deaxatrim, I took 2 yesterday.  Considered taking more but decided not to.  My hunger was fine. I ate too much though because of my throat as I mentioned.  Because my throat was hurting, I kind of ate when I wasn't hungry thinking that it would make my throat feel better.  But swallowing in general hurts today.  At least restricting will be easy.  Can't swallow means I can't eat so liquids and semi-solids it is.  Soup, jello, maybe some pudding or Greek yogurt.

~Kes

Weight this morning: 116
Loss of 3 lbs.  Probably all or mostly water, but I'll take it.
Did I actually fast yesterday?  No.  I stayed less than 500 calories though.  I had a Greek yogurt, 5 Wheat Thins, a granola bar, and some grape tomatoes along with a protein shake, coffee, tea and water.
Why didn't I fast?  I puked and and to work and was hoping food would keep me from puking.  Or at least give me time to run to the bathroom since solids don't come up as easily as liquids.
How was my hunger?  Well, I had a cup of coffee and two cups of tea within 3 hours of being up.  I was cleaning my room and managed to get distracted and kept forgetting about my tea even though I felt hungry.  So it was bearable.  After I puked I felt empty and hungry.  But afterwards I was just afraid to end up puking again.  I had puked a week ago and called into work.  I really needed to go to work yesterday so I can get my hours.  But the hunger was bearable all day.  I only took 2 Dexatrim.  I didn't know if those were part of the reason I puked or not so I figured I wouldn't take any more.

I've decided that I'm getting sick.  Might be part of the reason I puked yesterday.  Not sure though.  My throat has been bothering me and I just feel shitty.  Apparently my sister and her friend are going to see Lion King tonight.  I'll probably go unless I end up feeling worse.  I'm glad I don't work tomorrow.

~Kes

AA is talking to me and not being a dick.  And he is moving back in like a week.  By back, he's still gonna be in Iowa, but like 3 hours closer.  He's gonna be living in the town I work in.  And he said he would probably go bars with me and people on my birthday too.  So I want to lose as much as possible before I see AA because last time he saw me I was overweight.  I weighed 119 this morning.  Which completely sucks but I'm fasting today (330 calories max) and hopefully most of tomorrow.  And with AA moving back, I have this nervousness and excitedness that I think will help me lose weight.  I'm hoping the mix of emotions will help keep my appetite down (nervousness will hopefully mean less appetite) and give me energy (excitedness will hopefully give me energy).  I'm hoping to be 115 or less when I see AA.  4 lbs in like a week is possible.  I'm planning on fasting Thursday too anyway.  I think I can pull off a fruit and veggie fast on Wednesday because I'll probably go see Lion King in 3D with my sister and her friend and that means not eating supper at home.
I'm still working on cleaning my room.  I'm hoping to get it done today or tomorrow.
I ended up puking.  Not sure why.  I've have 1 cup of coffee, 2 cups of tea, my bc pill, and 2 Dexatrim.  I feel slightly sick still.  Like I might puke again.  Maybe I should take some Dramamine and have a protein shake?  Or wait and see if I puke again?  I don't know.  I'll wait and see.  Maybe have a protein shake in an hour unless I puke again.  Not sure what made me puke.  My stomach is empty now though.  And I want to keep it empty for a while.  I need to get used to the feeling again.  I'm gonna clean and hopefully not puke anymore.  I'll probably wait until I get my dress to post pictures.  Unless I end up with enough pictures to do more than one post.  Then I'll divide it up.  I'm probably not making much sense.  But I'm going to clean now.  So thinspo.  And I'll probably add more people over at the side in the people part because telling you about my birthday plans is difficult when I have no clue how to refer to the people and such.  So yeah...  Hopefully I can make more sense later tonight or tomorrow or whenever I end up posting again.

~Kes

I'm not in the best of moods for reasons I would rather not talk about right now so I'll just stick to diet and posting thinspo and save non-thinspo pictures and other ramblings for another time.

Tomorrow is looking like a good day to liquid fast.  I'm think tea, coffee, water, and 3 scoops (max) protein powder.  Technically the powder would be a solid but whatever.  I'll try to go as long as I can.  Hopefully I can at least make it until I get off work on Tuesday (2:30).  I'll start at midnight and try to go until at least 2:30 on Tuesday.  If I can, I'll go until supper (which would most likely be 6-ish).  I'll weigh in tomorrow then not again until Friday.  I'm going to try to fast Thursday too.  And I'm going to exercise.  I'm thinking about doing a diet.  Probably the SGD (although I may not be able to do the fast at the end) but maybe the Thin Skinny Slim diet (not sure if I would be able to a fasting day every 10 days).  But I would probably start next Monday if I do it.  It'll depend on how this week goes.  I'll restrict as much as possible.  I bought 2 pints of grape tomatoes today and there's broccoli, green beans, and asparagus in the freezer so I'll have plenty of veggies to eat when I'm not fasting.  I may buy some fruit or more veggies.  I'll see how tomorrow goes and maybe buy some Tuesday if I have the money.  I'll take 2 (and if needed, 4) Dexatrim each day and I'll tell you how my hunger was the next day (like Tuesday I'll tell you how my hunger was on Monday and on Friday I'll tell you how my hunger was on Thursday and so on).  And Friday I'll post how much weight I lost.  So yeah.  That's like all I have to day.  So some thinspo.

~Kes