K doesn't want to have the party on Wednesday anymore because not many people can go. So I guess we aren't having it. I wouldn't be thin enough to wear the dress anyway. I don't know what I'm going to do instead though. It sucks. K is wanting to wait until like Halloween or something. I'll most likely be working so I can't go. I'm pretty much going to be working constantly for the next 2 1/2 weeks. I'm supposed to start working my regular shift on November 4th. So up until then, it will be crazy. And with things going the way they are at K-Mart, I'll either end up quitting/turning in a two week notice soon or I'll probably end up working over-time. In the past week, at least 4 people have quit or gotten fired. But I'll be able to restrict really easily. I'll probably try to fast 1 or 2 times a week while I can. Once I start working my normal shift at the second job, I'll probably eat once a day 3 days a week and the other 4 days it will vary because I'll only be working at 1 job those days instead of two. Or if I'm lucky, I'll get the day off. I have no clue what my weight is. I almost feel like it doesn't matter because I can see how fat I am. I'm not anywhere close to 109. I'm probably 10-15lbs heavier. I'm hoping part of it is water-weight since my off week of bc starts tomorrow. I had been planning on getting my new pack tomorrow and just start taking them so I wouldn't have my period on the party but now, I have no plans. Probably just find somewhere to sleep in my car so I don't have to be at home. My mother would bitch forever if I didn't go to the party and my life would be more hell-ish than it already is. I'm extremely depressed and suicidal. I don't know how much longer I can hold myself together. I never have anyone to talk to when I need it. AA never answers his phone, D's phone is shut off, and I don't keep J's number in my phone because I feel like I'm just a pain in the ass every time I text or call him. He rarely answered anyway and when he did, he would never talk long. So basically, I have no one.