Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I started this this morning and didn't have time to finish so what I had typed this morning should be black (or at least different colored) and the rest should be blue.

So I messaged J about AA being back and he said he could/would get me certain pills/drugs.  I don't need to end up seriously addicted again.  Or overdosing.  And it's easier to talk to J because I didn't know what to say to AA.  Whether to tell him to never get me pills/drugs or what.  I texted AA later and told him if he gave me pills or drugs that I would have to do them there with him and made him promise not to give me any to take later when I'm not around him.  So J told me he is going to be coming back at the end of November for leave and then he's going to be going to Afghanistan after that.  He wants sex (with me) and told me he won't have sex with any serious users.  And I had told him I had been craving pills/drugs and I said that alcohol would work instead and he told me he was drinking right then.  And J made it sound like he wanted me to move out there.  I told him I'm not going to have the money soon and I'm not moving out there while he's in Afghanistan because AA will still be on probation so he can't leave Iowa and I don't want to move somewhere like SoCal without someone I know there with me.  It would be asking for trouble.  So he acted like he wanted me to when he came back from Afghanistan.  But AA will most likely still be on probation.  And well, I want to date AA I think.  And sex with J when he comes back for leave might kind of ruin that.  And I told K about some of the things the new guy at work has done and she said he probably likes me. And if he goes and parties with us on my birthday, my love life could get really complicated really fast because drunk me hits on guys.  New guy is in fact a guy.  So there's a good chance I'll end up hitting on him.  So I was wanting to ask AA to be my boyfriend but I think I'll wait until after my birthday?  I have no clue.  This whole situation is fucked up.  I don't want to hurt AA by sleeping with someone else.

So I worked 10-3 today.  While I was working D texted me once and called me 3 times.  First off, why can't he ever get the hint?  Even me blatantly saying to him that I don't want to talk to him, he still calls me and texts me for stupid reasons.  I.  Do.  NOT.  Want.  To.  See.  Him.  IDEGAF if he will be in town.  Leave me the fuck alone, D.  And so I had a voicemail.  Seeing 3 missed calls from D made me think it was from him.  I was in a pretty bad mood.  It wasn't from him.  That job I did the interview for, I got offered the morning position which was the one I wanted.  I got my TB test done today so I have to go back Friday for them to check it and get the result and I have to have a physical before orientation which is Oct. 13th.  I'm pretty happy though.  $9.15/hr and 27 hours a week.  I will be making over $900/month there.  If I work at K-Mart for like 15 hours a week, I'll make over $400/month there.  This could be very good for me.

So in other news, I weighed like 116-117 this morning.  I guess I would rather it stay the same than have a gain.  Supper with my parents is usually bad calorie-wise.  As was the case last night (and most likely tonight), so maintaining is acceptable I guess.  Tomorrow I will be restricting though because I'm planning on hanging out with AA after work so that means no supper with my parents.  AA is ok with me eating like twice a day.  He said that sometimes he eats only once a day so he's ok with me not eating often.

So more random pictures because I have a shit ton to post.

 Not sure whats with the spot in this picture.
 I thought my hair looked pretty good for the most part.  And happy?  I posted the one I'm smiling in.
 Normally I don't button this shirt but I did so you could see it better.  I already had it on and decided to take a picture of it one day.
 My mother's cat Grinch insisted on taking over my bed.  And those are my super comfy sweats.
 I'm currently too fat to wear this shirt, but I like it.
 I love sand lizards.

 The dried flowers on the left J gave me.  Well, they weren't dried when he gave them to me.  I dried them.  That was back when we were dating.  The other ones E's daddy gave me when I was dating him.  Again, I dried them.
 Some of my decorations.
 I also love dragons.  It's meant for cone incense things.  The smoke comes out of the dragons's mouths and ears.
 More decorations.

 I don't know if you've ever seen a picture made by putting crayons on canvas and melting them with a hairdryer, but it was a similar idea.  I was trying to make a more complicated picture but it didn't turn out how I wanted, but I still like it.


  1. Hehe sand lizards remind me of my childhood. I had so many of then. And kes!!$ you have to explain to me how you did the crayon thing because that would be a good art project for me to do for my college portfolio!!! :) cute blue shirt btw

  2. aw, Grinch - mind if I steal him? I love cats of this color <3 my grandfather had one but he died a year ago. i think i loved this cat more than my grandparents ...
    i dry my flowers too. my boyfriend gives roses to me every now and then and i would love to keep them ... but my dad forces me to throw them away :(
    congrats on the new job <3

  3. Kes! Boy problems suck. ( but are pretty flattering!) no gain is awesome! And you look amazing! You should post progress pics more.

    Love ya! Your advice is awesome :)

    Stay strong!



  4. Congratz on the job :) GAAAH, why are some guys so fucking slow and cant take a hint? I had an ex stalking me for 2 years :S Everytime talking too me like we were friends even though I kept telling him I didn't want to have anything to do with him..