Friday, November 11, 2011

Well, first off, this is going to be a depressing/bi-polar post, so you have been warned.  And second off, I have new followers (and probably not-so-new followers) who haven't been welcomed, so welcome.  And my life can be quite fucked up.  Again, you have been warned.  However, chances are you have at least read enough to know that (I always read at least 1 post before I follow a blog and assume others do too, although assuming makes and ass out of u and me...  but anyway...).  And seeing as how I am lazy and I can't always figure out who my new followers are (Blogger doesn't always like to show me my followers for one thing) so if you have a blog, feel free to comment with a link or if it's on your profile thing let me know and I'll follow (unless you are a creep - reference to Mr. Holes in His Socks - for those who don't know, his comment is on this post and my response is here.  And according to his profile, he has/had like a bajillion blogs.  None of which I follow...  And now I'm wondering if he is still following me...  I didn't block him or anything but he hasn't shown his holey socks in a long time...).  I guess that's like it.  So on to the even more depressingly bi-polarness of this post.

I have a million reasons to be depressed.  AA left for Louisiana today.  So there's one less friend.  K keeps ditching me/not responding to texts/Facebook messages/IMs.  D is still fuck knows where doing fuck knows what while I'm stuck here married to his ass.  His brother doesn't know where he is or how to contact him or anything.  Can't mail him divorce papers (someone suggested to me that I could fill them out, mail them to him and that would count as serving them to him) because I don't know a fucking address to mail them to.  I mean, I could ask his brother but his brother is like completely against being involved.  I have to do everything myself.  He will tell me if D contacts him but that's like it.  J is ignoring me.  No clue why.  I was hoping to party with J and K when J came back but with J and K ignoring me and shit, I can't get anything even remotely planned out.  So obviously I have nothing to look forward to.  M is also ignoring me but that's because of AA I think.  AA wanted weed and M sells and AA was gonna buy from M but AA got all weird about it and M backed out.  AA was acting seriously sketchy though and I can totally understand why M would back out (I woulda backed out too) but I don't see why M is ignoring me now.  Like WTF did I do?  Nothing.  Because with the way AA was acting, you coulda swore he had a gun or some shit on him because he was getting all weird about everything.  I tried to make plans with N because with AA gone and everyone ignoring me, I thought maybe I could hang out with N some.  But N put no effort into making plans so nothing is gonna happen.  So for like 2 weeks, I guess I'll be spending my time working, reading, exercising, blogging, and watching hulu.  Maybe I can finally lose some fucking weight?  I better see a loss soon.  I've got 13 days to lose as much as possible.  My mother wanted E this weekend so hopefully E will keep my parents occupied enough that I can get away with not eating/eating extremely healthily without question.  I work tomorrow too so I'm hoping that a small breakfast will get me through until supper time (when I will most likely have to eat).  I have 2 Prednisone left.  One tonight and one tomorrow morning.  So no more eating because of pills after that.  And I'm going to start diet pills again Monday.  Probably start out slowly at first.  If my hives are completely gone (there's still some on my shoulders/stomach/legs/feet but not bad at all - they're mainly where clothes lay because I guess that's where my body is warmest) I'll start doing some cardio on Monday too.  Probably try to do 5 minute intervals and see how it goes.  I swear the Prednisone/steroid shots are fucking up my moods.  I feel way too fucking bi-polar right now.  I think I'm gonna buy some stuff tomorrow after work.  Like a new toothbrush (because I like the Oral-B Pulsar kind and those are like $5 and my mother has a coupon so I would like to have a back up in case I get sick or just need a new one) and maybe some sort of super minty toothpaste or mouthwash that will keep me from eating (most things do not taste good after toothpaste).  Maybe buy some low-cal soups or something.  Or just healthy low-cal foods in general.  Uh, yeah...  My life is boring.  I need to clean my room yet too.  I was going to do that on my 4 days off but well, the hives/allergic reaction kind of ruined that.  So there's a good distraction for Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.  E will probably leave at like 3:30 pm on Sunday so I doubt I'll do much cleaning.  I'll be a loser and go to bed early.  Which I plan to do tonight.  I also finally took a shower today.  I legit haven't showered since Tuesday (if not before... I think it was Tuesday, but I don't recall exactly...).  That is how bad my depression can get.  And if I could have gotten away without showering for longer, I probably would have.  But I felt gross and knew I had to smell gross.  And my hair would probably have started looking gross soon (it's kind of surprising how long I can go without washing my hair and it won't look greasy or gross...).  AA just texted me.  Fuck I miss him.  Well, I better shut up before this ends up longer and more pointless.  I'll be back on the weight-loss road soon.  I need to read old posts and see what I did to get to my LW and do that shit again.  I'll probably not post again til Monday and work on catching up on blogs and such and figuring out how to get on track to losing weight.  So yeah...  Thinspo and really shutting up this time.


1 comment:

  1. You remind me of someone...I can't quite figure out who, though...Well, anyways, I would just like to let you know that you inspire me to keep doing my best to reach my goal. You seem like you're under a ton of stress. I'm with ya on that one, girl. Well, I hope all gets well with you. -Heaven xoxo