Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Well, today isn't going as planned.  I didn't wake up until 8 because I didn't get to sleep until after midnight.  Because my hives came back.  My face was covered and my arms had some and my back and chest.  Mainly the upper 1/3 of my body.  I was itchy and miserable and had to go take some Benadryl.  I'm gonna try to work out some but probably not nearly as much because I don't want to break out in hives again.  And I'm slightly too confused to really do much of anything right now.
I weighed like 123 or 123.5-ish this morning.  I was hoping to see less than that because of dehydration or something.  Especially since I didn't even end up drinking that much that night.  I probably had like 10 shots of vodka instead of the like 17-20 I had been planning on.  But maybe not drinking as much didn't dehydrate me as much.  Oh well.  It's already after 10:30 and I've only had 25 calories.  I'm gonna eat a kiwi (46) in a minute.  Maybe 1/2 a bagel later.  The Hy-Vee bakery cherry bagels have 290 calories in a whole one.  I always estimated them at 350 or 400 before.  I love cherry bagels and Hy-Vee is the only place I know I can get them.
My fucked up love life.  I need to get this shit out of my head and, well, this is the best place I could come up with to put it.  So if you want, you can skip this paragraph.  Or read it.  It doesn't matter.  AA told me he loves me last night (through a text).  He wants a relationship and he wants to get his own place when he's off of probation and he wants me to live with him.  I don't know that I want a relationship any time soon.  I like acting like I'm single.  I like AA but he's E's dad's ex-step-brother.  So that's just a little too Jerry Springer/Maury for me.  I like J too and J would be a better person for me.  J would make sure I take care of myself and don't get messed up into drugs and everything.  AA wants to start dealing again when he gets off probation.  So I would get messed up and into drugs.  I'm already starting to get there.  I'm hanging out with dealer more often than not.  There's one dealer that I like and he seems to like me a lot.  He makes me feel good.  I'll call him Kin.  He's the one I met when I was drinking the other night.  He's tall (6'2" and I'm a shorty next to him at 5'4") and kinda thin (I'd guess a BMI of around 19 maybe 19.5).  He's strong though.  Lean muscles.  I like lean muscles.  I hate bulky guys.  He treats me like a queen.  So yeah...  I've got all that to confuse me because I liked things the way they were before AA said he loved me because I was just whoring around sleeping with guys.
Well, I don't know of anything else to talk about.  Gonna try to work out later.  I'm thinking 3.5 mile walk/run once and a lot of toning/strength exercises.  Abs, thighs, and butt mainly.  Some arms but not as much.



  1. Oh wow, your love life is confusing. I hope things work out no matter whom or what you choose :) I need to add more arm exercises into my daily routine (hah... like I have a real routine. I don't know what I'm doing lately). 123 is not bad at all compared to my last weigh-in >.< oh well. just more motivation to run it off. Keep posting!

  2. Sorry to hear that your hives still haven't gone away. I haven't had them before but from what you've said they sound horrible.
    This is just my opinion and you don't have to listen to me but I think that J is a better fit for you. AA sounds like a good friend but maybe you should just stay that with him. If you have to think about whether the relationship is going to be worth it, it usually isn't, and this I know from experience.
    But hey I might be wrong :)