My mind is fucked up. I was with AA for a little bit yesterday. And well, we ended up having sex. And what sucked was that I ended up thinking about Kin's brother like the whole time. It was awkward and I was at an awkward point between liking the sex and not liking it. It was awkward. I float between being scared shitless of Kin and his brother and all of his friends and being fearless of them. It's a thought of "What's the worst that can happen? They kill me? I'm already suicidal. They injure me? I already self-injure so the pain's the same."
Anyway... I'm just a fucked up mess. I don't want to talk. I float between good and bad thoughts. I'm depressed most of the time though. I hung out with J and was depressed the whole time. I deleted him off Facebook and deleted his number. It was just awkward.
I don't know what to say. I'm just depressed. And I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to read any blogs. And I doubt I'll be able to any time soon.