I was in an ok-ish mood. Now I'm pissed and depressed and shit. I has plans for tomorrow but now all of those plans are maybe plans and AA keeps making it worse by making more maybe plans. I was wanting to do shit and I can't with all these maybe plans. Zumba is a maybe. AA wanted his nipples pierced and I was going to take him and everything but he still hasn't set up an appointment. I wanted him to do that last night. But he didn't and now it's 2:30 and he hasn't done shit. I want to cut. I want to take pills. I want to die. I need fucking out of this hell. It's like everyone is trying to make me depressed and suicidal. Right when I was almost ok. Everyone wants me dead. It's simple. I was looking forward to being out of the house for a while and doing fun stuff and whatever and now with everything being maybe, I'm saying fuck it all. I'm staying home and going to be miserable and depressed. Not unusual. I was wanting to do a little shopping and watch a movie with AA and get his nipples pierced and go to Zumba (not necessarily in that order - I was wanting to figure out the order today but clearly that won't happen). Now I'm gonna sit at home and the most exciting thing I'll do is clean. But I doubt I'll even feel like doing that. I should have killed myself a long time ago.