Friday, February 10, 2012

Kitty - I'm taking an antidepressant and lithium.  Lithium is supposed to help with bipolar but it kind of depends on how bad the bipolar is.

So Wednesday night I kind of blacked out as AA calls it.  I don't remember much after I left my parents house.  I remember about 1/2 the drive to Iowa and nothing else.  AA said we went and got gas and went to his mom's house.  He said I got irritated in the car and that I started to hit myself and that he had to hold me down at his mom's house.  I don't remember but he wouldn't lie to me.  He said he held me down for an hour before I calmed down enough to go to sleep.  All I know is my hand is bruised.  He said it was from me hitting myself.  It's not the first time I've not remembered doing something.  E's dad said I hit him one time.  I don't remember hitting him.  It was back when I was pregnant with E and we weren't having any problems.  He didn't have any reason to lie to me.

I showed AA pictures of thinspo and told him that I wanted to be that thin.  He said he was ok with most of them (there was like 1 or 2 out of like 15 that he wasn't ok with) and he said he would try to help me lose weight.  He said he isn't ok with me starving myself and that I have to eat twice a day.  Well, I'm supposed to take pills twice a day and they require food or milk (they make me puke if I don't) so I have to anyway.  So when I want the donut in the morning, AA is going to tell me I don't need it.  And AA is supposed to help me exercise and stuff.

I'm going to be home (without AA) after work tomorrow and I'll be home like all of Sunday and like all (or most) of Monday so I'll be catching up on most blogs.  E's supposed to be over too.  I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve.  Anyway, I'm gonna go shower and probably go to bed.



  1. That blacking out sounds really scary. I've had little lapses of time that I can't remember before, but nothing like that. It's really nice of him to try to be so helpful. :)

  2. Ya dude, I did the same thing recently. Not the greatest thing to wake up with bruised hands with no memory of how it happened. Stay strong dude. AA sounds like quite a catch. :) Xo