Dread

Tomorrow I have an appointment to switch birth control. I have an iud which will need removed. Apparently I'm going to have to get a pap done too. FML. I have no one to take with me. Everyone I would have go with me is working. For those who didn't read this back in 2011 or simply forgot, I was held against my will and sexually assaulted. The ptsd has been causing horrible flashbacks recently. That is courtesy of my ex comparing me to the girl he moved on to. Her brother raped her and she's ok now and uses it as a strength and blah blah blah. No one should ever be raped. And no one should ever have their rape compared to someone elses because no two rapes are going to be exactly the same. I got blamed for it by family, friends, police, ect. Basically everyone said it was my fault and that I wanted ever event from that night to happen. I've never gotten proper counseling. I get told I need to see a psychiatrist and put on so many meds I'm no longer a person. His new girl didn't tell her family or anyone and hasn't tried seeking help. Then later he told me she isn't ok and doesn't use it as a strength. Thanks for triggering weeks of flashbacks asshole. It had been a year since I had had any issues. Now it's daily. Now I can barely function without anxiety meds. I honestly don't know if I can make it through my appointment tomorrow. I really just want to cancel it. I have no idea what to do.... I haven't had anyone to like actually talk to about it. I was planning on getting a referral for a counselor that I actually know and I know won't just try to shove pills down my throat but I honestly don't think I can go through with the appointment.....