My mind is fucked up.  I was with AA for a little bit yesterday.  And well, we ended up having sex.  And what sucked was that I ended up thinking about Kin's brother like the whole time.  It was awkward and I was at an awkward point between liking the sex and not liking it.  It was awkward.  I float between being scared shitless of Kin and his brother and all of his friends and being fearless of them.  It's a thought of "What's the worst that can happen?  They kill me?  I'm already suicidal.  They injure me?  I already self-injure so the pain's the same."

Anyway...  I'm just a fucked up mess.  I don't want to talk.  I float between good and bad thoughts.  I'm depressed most of the time though.  I hung out with J and was depressed the whole time.  I deleted him off Facebook and deleted his number.  It was just awkward.

I don't know what to say.  I'm just depressed.  And I don't know what to do.  I can't bring myself to read any blogs.  And I doubt I'll be able to any time soon.

~Kes