I was in an ok-ish mood. Now I'm pissed and depressed and shit. I has plans for tomorrow but now all of those plans are maybe plans and AA keeps making it worse by making more maybe plans. I was wanting to do shit and I can't with all these maybe plans. Zumba is a maybe. AA wanted his nipples pierced and I was going to take him and everything but he still hasn't set up an appointment. I wanted him to do that last night. But he didn't and now it's 2:30 and he hasn't done shit. I want to cut. I want to take pills. I want to die. I need fucking out of this hell. It's like everyone is trying to make me depressed and suicidal. Right when I was almost ok. Everyone wants me dead. It's simple. I was looking forward to being out of the house for a while and doing fun stuff and whatever and now with everything being maybe, I'm saying fuck it all. I'm staying home and going to be miserable and depressed. Not unusual. I was wanting to do a little shopping and watch a movie with AA and get his nipples pierced and go to Zumba (not necessarily in that order - I was wanting to figure out the order today but clearly that won't happen). Now I'm gonna sit at home and the most exciting thing I'll do is clean. But I doubt I'll even feel like doing that. I should have killed myself a long time ago.
~Kes
dont talk that rubbish, dear. you should certainly NOT have killed yourself and you should never do it or even think about it.
ReplyDeletewhy dont you just tell AA you're mad at him? and then go alone. or call another friend. and you could go to Zumba nonetheless. if i remember it correctly, you're not planning to go there with AA, are you? so you could do a little shopping on your own, or with another friend, and then go to Zumba. And the next day you could go with AA see a movie and get his nipples pierced.
xoxo