I've had some computer trouble.  My antivirus was causing the internet to not work like at all and it was annoying to fix.  So I uninstalled that program and switched to another and things work just fine now.  I've been having issues with my kidneys still.  The Cipro I was on has given me tendinitis which sucks because I really shouldn't take pain killers because of my kidneys.  So I have a decent amount of pain.  I went to a doctor on Friday because Thursday night my tendinitis made it so I couldn't really walk.  And I couldn't walk too well all day Friday.  I was given an antibiotic but it's not really good at treating kidney infections but there really isn't anything I can take.  I quit the Cipro because it was causing bad side effects and it was pretty much the only thing left that could work.  That's why I wasn't taking anything.  Because I'm allergic to everything else that would work well.  So now I'm taking something that probably won't work.  The doctor wanted to run a couple tests to see what kind of infection I have (like what bacteria it is) so I can get put on a medicine that would actual fix the kidney infection because certain medicines work better for certain bacteria.  As for my weight, I probably won't get to weigh in until next week.  My parents are having the bathroom dry walled (finally) so the dry wall person/people (it's a small bathroom so it might just be one person coming or it might be more - I have no clue) so I won't be able to weigh in private unless I can somehow get the scale to my room and back to where ever it will be without anyone noticing.  I weighed 129.5 with shoes and a coat at the doctor after I had eaten like twice that day.  Anyway, I gotta go.  Hopefully I'll have time to read later or something.

~Kes

Im blogging from my phone again because the batteries in my computer keyboard died so im charging the batteries. I need to buy more. I use rechargable ones. Anyway, i wieghed 123.5-ish this morning. Not too bad considering how much time ive spent with aa. He had an interview monday and if his background check comes back without a felony hes hired. He should find out friday so after work tomorrow hes coming to stay in the town i live in. He wasnt convicted of a felony when he was arrested in like 2009. Its a deferred felony so if he successfully completes probation it wont be a felony. His probation officer said that is should come back saying he was arrestes but it shouldnt say hes a felon. Hopefully he will get the job. He would make $14.10/hr. If he does get the job then he might pay for us both to have a gym membership or something because aa keeps talking about how he needs to work out more. He used to have 6 pack abs. If he does get the job ill hopefully be able to get back into blogging more. Ive been spending a lot of time with aa letting him use my car and driving around with him while he gets job apps and stuff. Id read blogs from my phone but it usually wont let me scroll so unless it all fits on the screen i cant read it all. And i still have a kidney infection. Im not taking anything for it really. The doctor told me to see how things go without medicine since there wasnt anything else i can take. Its getting better though. I think. Or im just getting used to it and it isnt bothering me as much. Im thinking monday ill start taking diet pills again. I havent been because i dont want to make my kidneys worse. I dont know if diet pills would or not. Pain killers do so ive been avoiding them since im not taking an antibiotic for my kidneys. I think im gonna try to clean my room some and get in a little exercise too. I need to shower and do laundry too. Once all thats done if i have time ill read and comment on as many blogs as i can before 4pm. I need to leave at 4 to go get more bc before they close (ive been out for 2 days but the cirpo i was taking made it so it wouldnt be effective for a week anyway) and then im gonna go to aas. Spend the night there and go home after work taking aa with me. So yeah... Guess ill get to doing the shit i gotta get done.
~Kes

Ive been at aas since wednesday so i havent been online. I dont know my weight or anything. Just thought id post so you know im still around.
~Kes

I weighed 124 yesterday.  When I got up today it was a little later than I would have liked so I didn't get to weigh before eating/drinking.  I had to eat and take my pills before 8 am.  Cipro is tricky.  Can't have this, that, and the other 6 hours before taking it or 2 hours after.  And since I'm allergic/sensitive to almost every antibiotic I've had, I don't want to mess this up.  Although I keep waiting for the hives/rash to start because I'm probably allergic to this one too.  But these are my morning pills.  Lithium, cranberry pills, Ibuprofen, and Benedryl.

And these are all the pills and medicines I have in my purse.  And yes, that is a children's medicine.

My 2 am and 2 pm pill, Ciprofloxacin.

And my night pills (blurry picture).  Cranberry pills, lithium, Cymbalta, Ibuprofen, Benedryl, Prednisone, birth control.

I feel like a druggie with all these pills.  I HATE taking all these pills all the time.  I guess I needed it to get rid of my urge to take pills.  But even taking all these pills, I don't feel much better.  I have some side effects from the Cipro and it sucks.  I want to work out.  Like real exercise.  Like running or dancing or something but I don't have the strength.  I guess I'll have to settle for whatever I can do while sitting or laying.  Abs and legs and love handle areas mainly.  That's what needs the most work.  Proof:

I think I'll look good when I'm 110 or so and more toned.  It's an XS but I want to fit into it this summer and I will.  I can lose 15 or so lbs by summer.  I'd like to lose more than that though.  But with Cirpo's can't haves for so much of the day, I have 8 hours where I don't have to worry.  And I happen to sleep through 3 1/2 or more of those.  And I'm hardly ever hungry anyway.  A small cheeseburger and a handful of fries was too much for me to eat last night for supper.  So I'm hoping I can get down to 119 or lower by the time I'm done with it.  That's just 5 more pounds.  Hopefully when I get to 110 or so, my stomach will look good enough that maybe I can get my hips pierced.  I think that if I lose weight and tone up and use a good lotion and exfoliate that my stretchmarks might either go away or be faded enough that I would get my hips pierced.  I mean you can see my stretchmarks in the picture but they aren't as bad as they used to be.  I think they could fade a lot more.

I started this post a little after 8 am and it's almost 3 pm.  O_o  Guess I'll shut up and post this.  Hopefully I'll get around to reading blogs soon.  But I'm not liking the side effects of my Cipro...

~Kes

I'm finally down to 125 lbs again.  I was 132 with shoes and coat at the doctor on Tuesday so I was probably 130 without shoes and coat.  I've lost about 5 lbs in 5 days.  I can't drink 8 oz of water without feeling full.  I think I need to go to the doctor again...

~Kes

Well, I went with AA to a doctor on Tuesday to get me on antidepressants.  I'm on Cymbalta and lithium again.  Or at least for now.  It's a matter of affording the Cymbalta.  So far so good though.  Worked last time really well.  Right now it's trying to find the right dosage.  So then I had AA come back to Illinois with me.  Then I took him back Wednesday.  AA wanted me to stay the night Wednesday.  I wasn't sure I wanted to but it was decided by AA and my mom that I should stay at AA's Wednesday and Thursday because it was supposed to snow and be windy (and it snowed and was windy) and driving to work might be a little more difficult from my house and roads might be slick/icy/snow covered.  And so I went to work yesterday (AA drove me in my car) and I wasn't feeling too good.  I was kinda thinking maybe my kidney infection or UTI wasn't completely cleared up even thought I finished the Macrobid.  But I was only on Macrobid for 5 days so it might not have been enough.  So at work I felt sick and weak.  Then I ended up puking and leaving work after like 1 1/2 hours.  Went to the doctor and my kidney infection is worse than it was before.  I went from slight/just barely have one to moderate.  And I still have a UTI and my throat still hurts.  So I got a different prescription for the UTI.  But later yesterday I took a nap and woke up and had the starting of hives.  I had an allergic reaction to the Macrobid.  I'm back to Prednisone.  Waiting for the allergic reaction to clear up before starting the new medicine for the UTI.  I've been super tires, sore, worn out.  And I puked again last night.  I haven't puked today.  I'm hoping my allergic reaction goes away soon and that I can get my UTI and kidney infection cleared up and fix my throat and feel normal.  I've been taking so many pills and such that I feel like an addict.  Birth control, Prednisone, lithium, Cymbalta, Benadryl, children's cold & sore throat medicine.  I haven't been hungry and I can't eat much at once, which is good in a way, bad in another.  Bad because I can't drink much and it makes it more likely that I'll get an upset stomach/puke when I take pills.  Good because my weight changed by 2 lbs in 2 days at the doctor's office (132.4 with shoes and coat the first time and 130.2 with shoes and coat the second time).  I don't really have anything else to say except I'm tired and I won't be blogging much until this UTI/kidney infection is taken care of.  It just drains me sooo much.  Hope everyone is doing well.

~Kes

Leigha - I bought cranberry pills.  I didn't know they existed until a nurse at work told me about them.

Anavida - a UTI is a urinary tract infection (it can cause peeing to hurt/burn and pee to smell strong/bad and blood in pee and it can get all the way up to the kidneys and mine has and then kidneys hurt and it can cause fever and nausea and a lot of problems) and it can be caused by bacteria, having too much sex, not peeing often enough (most likely what caused mine), and sometimes using a new soap/shampoo/bubble bath/ect. can cause it.

I refuse to talk about D and all of his bullshit.  I'm still depressed and no, I won't be getting any less depressed anytime soon.  I've been depressed for 10 years.  I don't get better in a matter of days.  Most of the time it takes months.  I might have a good day here and there but then I end up just as depressed or  more depressed than before.  Like I was going to have a good day today and everything got fucked up.  I'm never driving again unless I have to because I'm too scared to.  I was driving home last night and I was in a kind of wooded spot with curves and it was like 11pm and a car was coming towards me so I turned off my brights as I was going around a curve and then there were 3 deer walking across the road.  I literally went between then.  Two on one side of my car and one was on the other.  Scared the shit out of me.  I didn't see them til I was like 3 feet away and I didn't manage to hit the break until I was past them.  I hated driving as it was.  That was just too close for me.

I don't feel like saying anything else.  I'm tired and I feel drained emotionally and physically.

~Kes

My depression is still fucking horrible. And better yet, I weighed a fucking huge 131.5 lbs at the doctor tonight. I know I don't weigh quite that much because I had my shoes on and fully clothed and I hadn't peed and I had eaten all day so I had all days food in me and everything.  But still.  Just the thought that I weighed in at that weight. I was 20 lbs lighted in July.  I need to get back down to that weight.  111.  Then lower.  My diet will now consist largely of cranberry juice (no more than 4 cups a day - aim for 4 though) and water until my UTI/kidney infection is gone.  I probably should have said the reason I went to the doctor.... I thought I had a UTI and well, I do, along with a kidney infection.  I only started questioning if I had a UTI a couple days ago.  How did it get that bad that quick?  Who knows...  Either way, I get to try a new prescription.  I love trying something new to see if I have an allergic reaction...  Not really...  So yeah...  Commence crash dieting.  I have an appointment Tuesday for antidepressants.  It's in the morning but let's see how much weight I can lose by then, shall we?  My mindset has been very self-destructive lately....

~Kes

My depression is horrible right now.  No clue if/when I'll be back.  I just wanna die.